I read a quote the other day that said "Stop worrying about how far you have to go and consider instead how far you've come." I guess that's totally something I needed to hear. Course, then nearly everytime I hear advice, it's something I need to hear.

I've never really experienced a true 2 week wait. Ya know, the time between when you tried for a baby, and you find out if your efforts were successful. Well, I guess I can't say that again because we've just come to the end of our first 2WW. Before I reveal the results, I wanted to explain what the 2WW was like for us.

Whenever I thought of the wait, before we were actually there, I always thought it would be super hard to wait. I pictured the question of success taking up so much of my time and I pictured myself not being able to really be with it. More like a zombie all consumed with the situation. I was surprised to find that it wasn't the case so much for us. It wasn't that we didn't think about it, it just didn't consume us. Which I think is probably good.

We talked about it a lot. We talked about the baby that I was carrying and joked about pregnancy and being mommy and daddy. But it didn't seem unbearable. We went through a lot of emotions. The day of the IUI, we were kind of numb I think... just realizing what had happened. From there our emotions fluctuated from so much excitement to fear of the outcome to more excitement to positive thinking to completely trusting God. We prayed multiple times a day and we prepared and talked about what was going to happen when Baby #1 was here. I don't think we dwelt too much on it.. I think it's only natural that we consider all of these things.

From the beginning of this cycle, I have felt very positive about this time around with Dr. Dodds. Maybe it was that we were getting somewhere, doing something different. Maybe it's just that I've been through this so many times, I'm beginning to believe that God has it under control. Or maybe I'm just trying to fool myself into really trusting when I often feel doubtful. Whatever it was, I did have good reason to believe that this cycle would be different. It was different. We were on different meds, we had a different u/s and bloodwork regiment, and the physical side effects were different.

I guess I had every right to feel differently about it, because it ended up differently. My body actually responded to the new meds. Not only that, but it responded well. In fact, it responded so well, that we were able to get as far as doing an IUI on October 8th. We came away so excited and for good reason, because we hadn't been that far before. My body had never responded in such a way as to produce mature follicles or potential babies as we like to call them.

Unfortunately, the IUI did not produce the desired results, a baby. We are sad. Very sad. But we said all along and we still believe it now, that God is working and worked in this cycle to bring us closer than we've been before. While it's hard to keep trusting, it's impossible without God, so we won't lose hope, we won't stop trusting, we will persevere. And while it's pretty close to the last thing we want to do, we will dwell on how far we've come instead of how far we have to go... and even that, how far we have to go, doesn't seem as far away as it once did. Praise God for little glimpses of grace, mercies that never cease, and a love that wraps us in His arms on days like today when all we really want to do is sleep the pain away.