I have thought about and started this blog many times. So many words have passed through my mind, I'm not sure what ones I should actually use. Not sure what ones are the important ones to post. I know this, God is speaking to me lately and I need to share with you just how.

Monday marked a distinct turn in our journey to have a family. We had our first consultation with the Fertility Specialist and thus the reason for the turn. Everything feels a little more real now... like we are finally on the right path... finally headed somewhere closer to where we so desire to be. It's not that I feel we have wasted anytime. In fact, it's not been wasted at all. While I look back over the last couple of years and know that we had hoped to have a baby already, I also realize that I wouldn't trade the time that we have grown as a couple, as Christians, as tools being used for God's glory. The time has been priceless even though it has not produced our desire, a child of our own.

We are praying that that is all soon going to change, but again, we know that God has a perfect plan and His timing is not always ours. We know that all too well, to be quite honest. It's odd to me that I talk so much about God's perfect timing... fertility treatments are all about timing. You have to take this med for 3 days, then give yourself a shot for 10 days, then in between that you need to show up for ultrasounds, and finally, you can physically try for a baby. It gives me a headache just trying to remember what we're supposed to do and when. And if I'm honest, it makes me a little bit angry that it's not as "easy" as it should be... and makes me a little bit jealous of all those couples who just think about having a baby and they get pregnant. Praise God for blessing them in that way.

We are headed down the path that will hopefully lead us to a baby of our own. We will begin with another semen analysis for Heath just to be sure everything is good on his side. We are trusting that things will still be looking good as they were a couple of years ago. Following that begins our meds regiment.... I'm feeling a little nervous about all of this. We will induce a cycle for me and then do an ultrasound scan to see how things are progressing. They will prescribe injectable meds that will hopefully cause me to produce matured follicles. Once they can see those matured follicles, they will give me another injection to force my body to release those potential babies. After which time we will be able to try on our own.

It is very difficult to feel positive when it seems like we've faced treatment after treatment with no results. But, God is good, I feel His hand leading us and I think we are in a good place. The meds I've been on before have never done what they are supposed to and I suppose that is where some of my doubt stems from as well. None the less, we press on, because what else are we going to do? My friends blog is called "Childless Not By Choice"... we are not going to choose to be childless, at least not until we have exhausted our resources and feel a direct call from God to be childless.

The Lord has been speaking to me through his Children, through His Word, and through music lately... actually I can see Him in just about everything I come into contact with. My day to day life is filled with Him and for that I am thankful. I am so grateful for my sweet friend Kara who has been there, done that, is doing that, and is living to tell about it. She is blunt and too the point and not in a bad way. I am able to share with her in ways I never thought possible, but there's just something about having that commonness (if that's a word) of infertility that binds us together heart and soul! We have talked often about how the Lord brought us both to Grace Evangelical Free Church at just the right time and allowed us to meet. That is such a blessing to Heath and I to know that we are not in it alone. Granted there are others who have been there, done that... some even in our own family, but I guess it's just nice to have a non-family, non-biased view on everything. She and I are looking forward to starting a support group for couples struggling through infertility. Even as I say that, I can't believe I'm actually going to be used by God in such a way. I'm not sure at this point what exactly it's going to look like or how it will be run... I just know that I'm very sure that God's hand is in it. We are praying right now for a place to meet and direction for the designing of the program. We want it to be a safe place where hurting childless couples can come to seek support, encouragement, and love from God and His people. Please pray with us that God will direct us in just the right path and at just the right time.

I suppose it's time I close this ever lengthening blog... we have not reached the end of our journey, but we are hopeful. To quote my friend Kara's blog "Everything will be okay in the end... if it's not okay, it's not the end!"