It is amazing to me how God works when we least expect it. Not that we expect Him not to work, but a lot of times, I think we get caught up in the factual elements of our situation and forget that God is far from only factual... He doesn't need big bank accounts or medicine deposits or endorsements from well-knowns to accomplish His purpose in our lives. No, all He needs is a person willing and ready to be used by Him in a powerful way.
It seems like so long since we've started a journey, and yet to some of you, our journey is rather short. It's not over... this is not a post to announce that we are going to be parents, although I hope that comes very soon. Instead this is a post to explain some things that have happened recently that have temporarily changed our path and the way that we thought we were headed.
I will say this.. We really believed we were headed in the right direction and that might still be a path we need to tread, but for now, we have to make the change that feels right at this moment.
Let me explain. In our almost three years of marriage and over 2 years of trying to start a family, we have never felt more sure of anything than we do right now. In the 2 + years that we have been working with doctors, dealing with meds, enduring tests and procedures, my body has not responded to anything in the way it was supposed to. After Dr. Pete referred us to The Fertility Center (TFC) we have in way set back and taken a break from the many medicines and procedures and doctors visits. I am pleased to say, that it has been the most stress-free months of our journey. We didn't have to plan our intimate moments, we didn't have to remember to take meds and remember when to call the doctor and scurry around to find sitters for my babysitting charges so that I could run in for a quick ultrasound that revealed nothing new. It was peaceful and lovely and a complete blessing.
I believe partly as a result of the stress-free environment that break created, I ovulated. Completely on my own (although we know it was definitely a God-thing because I can count on my hands the number of times over the past 14 years of my life that I have actualy had a period that was not induced by medicine)with no medicine, no crazy procedures, no doctors... except one. THE GREAT PHYSICIAN!
I will not lie, we shed a few tears. Not because the pregnancy test I took still shouted NOT PREGNANT, but because I OVULATED! Granted, we didn't know so we weren't able to plan accordingly, but still I did. For all of you reading this blog who have never struggled with infertility, you may be thinking we are crazy for being thankful for a natural period.... but we are thanking God for his hand in the matter. We are thanking Him for this little ray of hope that shouts "I'm still in control of this... I don't need money or medicines or well-educated specialist. I don't need fancy offices with beautiful exam rooms, and I don't need all the high-tech instruments the world has to offer these days. All I need is my voice and a willing vessel to be used." So here, we stand willing vessels ready to be used by Him to acconplish great things and bring glory to His name.
We understand that this does not guarantee that I will ovulate again naturally. For the time being, though, we have decided not to pursue TFC and their plan. We feel strongly that this is a call from God for a couple of different reasons. At first when we found out that I had indeed ovulated and was now having a natural period, we rushed around getting things into place, planning to fill our not-planned-up weekend with doctors appts and procedures. But the more and more we rushed into it, the more and more we felt uneasy...our money is not yet in place so that was a source of our unease, and we just really couldn't get past the feeling of overlooking God's working and rushing to the doctor's for help without seeking the Great Physicians help and allowing Him to do His thing.
We are not trying to become these great examples. We are not trying to gain the approving glances and praises... "They are so strong or they have so much faith stepping out in such a way"... what we are trying to do, is step back, and in peace, give it to Him and let Him work. That's something that we've always desired, but I'm not sure we've ever done. I do want to say for my friends and loved ones who have sought out help from specialist... we are not saying that it is wrong... we may indeed need it down the road. I believe God has put specialist into place for people like us. But for where we are right now, we feel that it's important for us to step our in faith and Be still and Know that He is God... THEE GOD!
Thank you Lord, for working in such a way to catch our attention and call us to your side. Please forgive us for the many hours we have spent thinking only about what we want and forgetting to put your desires ahead of our own. God work in a way that makes it undeniably Your Work so that you might be glorified in our lives. We love you, Father!
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