Merry Christmas to all my dear friends and fellow couples struggling with infertility. It goes without saying that the Holiday's hold a certain sadness when your arms are empty. My sweet friends, I feel your pain... at the same time, Christmas is about giving and promises kept and that is what we must focus on. We must consciously give of ourselves to others. We must put on the smile and enjoy our family and share in the Christmas spirit. Odd isn't it, that the reason we are able to be here celebrating Christmas is because of a baby born so long ago. A baby... what we think of as the source of our pain right now, is really the source of our LIFE, joy, everlasting love, arms that are always around us, strength that comes only from that SON, and a knowledge that ALL IS WELL!
Yes, it is hard for me to type this. Yes, I want to just go to bed and not have to face all the pregnant bellies, birth talks, "what my baby is doing" braggings. But, for no other reason than to remember HIS birth and HIS promise of returning, I will press on. I will endure those talks, I will cuddle with my nieces and nephews, I will ENJOY Christmas with my family and friends. Yes, I have to make a conscious effort to remember these things, because I haven't forgotten the battle we have been fighting for close to 2 years. Yes, there will likely be tears; however I will strive to remember the real reason for Christmas.. which is not about me, but about HIM!
I have been hearing from God quite often lately. I suspect it is partly because of last weeks church service... I can't tell you what the name of the message was or all the bullet points, but I can tell you what God spoke to me. For the last 2 years I have been faithful in reading through my Bible during the course of the year. I get out my sheet of paper that list all the passages for each day, I read them, and I check them off my list. Sometimes I actually hear what I read, but a lot of times I was finding myself checking off the list and moving on with my day, not really letting HIS WORD sink in. I would get up in the morning, hurry out to the living room, read my passage, check it off, and turn on a movie that I had been thinking about watching or fix up a breakfast that sounded good. Hardly ever did I take time to consider what I had read and how it applied to my life. Last Sunday; however, something changed in me when I heard the message. Pastor talked about what Christmas could teach us about the Bible... it teaches us it is TRUTH. The one things that Pastor said that stuck out to me was that we needed to spend time in His word AND let it sink in, let it change us, let it renew our spirits. This week I have done that and I can tell an immediate difference in me being able to hear what God is speaking to me. He doesn't speak strictly through His word, but He has used other people, books, and songs to speak to me this week. I'm sure He has never stopped speaking to me, it's just that I was too wrapped up in ME to listen to what HE had to say. Oh Father, please forgive me for putting myself before YOU... the one who sent His Son so long ago, a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger, to be my source of life. If I focus on any baby this season, please let it be Your Son!
There are things I've always known to be true that God has reminded me of this week. The one that I'm putting into practice this Holiday season is letting Joy find it's place in my life. The Bible says " Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of your faith will develop patience." And so, I will choose to consider it JOY... the PURE JOY will have to come from only HIM. Even the JOY we sometimes need help with, because our own human selves have a hard time taking our eyes off our own troubles and finding joy in the midst of the sorrow.
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