Why Worry, When You Can Pray?!?

I just finished watching the movie "Julie and Julia" for probably the fifth time. I LOVE that movie and it never ceases to inspire me to blog. Today, it reminded me that I have not blogged in a while and that I had a few things that I wanted to share.

We are still on our journey to having a family. It's growing long and tedious. There are some days where I barely think about my empty arms, then there are days when it's all I can think about. There are moments when I'm out and about and I cross the baby section in a store and I love to stop and look and dream, then there are days where when I come across the baby section I want to run to the nearest hole and cry out to God for mercy. There are some days where I feel like we are doing just fine just the two of us, but then sometimes when I don't think we can place one foot in front of the other because of the burden we carry. We are fine. If there never is a child we can call our own, we are still fine.

I find sometimes that when I think about it my fear comes from the fact that I may never be a mother and Heath may never be a father. But then, if I'm completely honest, sometimes my fear comes because I don't want to be "that couple that couldn't have babies". I don't want people to look back over our marriage and our lives and see that all we ever fought for was a baby and we never got it. Instead, I want people to look at our marriage and see Christ as the centerpoint. I want them to look at our journey and not see what we did or did not accomplish, but what we learned and how we grew through the experience.

Life is all about experiences. Every day is a new one. Each moment is a chance to experience life to it's fullest. We have learned that the only way to do that is to crawl up on God's lap, curl up in His arms, and bask in His love and mercy. If you are reading this blog and you are also on a journey to have a family or any other journey for that matter, please know that you will only be satisfied when you allow Christ to fill you. There is no child, no coveted job, no amount of success that will fulfill your desires. You, on your own, will always want more. But when we grow in our faith and learn about our Heavenly Father, that's when we are completely satisfied, even if we never accomplish those things we wish for.

Next week we will go for a second ultrasound. This time to see if the 150mg of Clomid did the trick or not. I haven't experienced any increased side effects, which makes me doubtful. It could be that nothings working, or it could be just that we gradually increased and for that reason I don't have to suffer the side effects. I'm trying to remain hopeful, but I will admit, I'm feeling doubtful! I'm reminded of a song I learned as a child!

"Why worry, when you can pray?
Trust Jesus, He'll be your stay.
Don't be a doubting Thomas,
Trust fully in His promise.
Why worry, worry, worry, worry
When you can PRAY?"