It really doesn't take much for a woman battling infertility to lose her composure and cry in front of just about anyone. But having said that... I've withstood a lot in the last couple of weeks and I need to cry.
First we start with Provera a terrible drug that brings on a period so that we can start our first cycle with Dr. Dodds at The Fertility Center. I get moody. I cry at the drop of the hat. I get mad over the dumbest things. And then in the next minute... I laugh seemingly about nothing as well. Heath endures the 10 days or so and is the most gentle understanding "gonna stay out of the way" husband anyone could ask for.
Next we have our first U/S on day 3 of our cycle and find that there are several cysts on my ovaries, that really mean nothing and weren't all that surprising, since I do have PCOS. Really no surprise at the appt. The pharmacy, well that's another story. Already at the end of our first appt and our first med dosage, we are more than half way through our set aside baby money. I felt the stress building as I realized that $1100 is really getting us nowhere in the grand scheme of things. I am quite sure that we knew it wouldn't get us far, but the shelling out of it had begun and it became a reality.
The stop at the pharmacy was frustrating to say the least. Knowing that we were low on funds, the dR. had prescribed a vial for our meds that would give us 600iu, but we would only be paying for the 450iu that it sold as. Unfortunately, the pharmacy did not order the vial, but rather the pen. Which, I've discovered is much nicer to dose out, but not nearly as overfilled as the vial. I call them after confirming that the dr. did indeed order the vial. They couldn't really do anything with it, but would put on my file that I wanted the vial from here on out and would actually order it in, for when I needed it next time. Ok.
I took shots for the next 5 days and that was a treat. The first night, Heath was like a drill sergeant. I'm not sure he likes me saying that... in fact, I know he doesn't... that's why the other 4 nights, he stayed out of the room while I was poking myself! Ha ha!
We go to our 2nd u/s on Day 10 of our cycle. Many small follicles on the 5 days of 75iu. The largest was 9, so they increased our dosage to 112.5 and we did that for 3 days.
Another stop at the pharmacy. They ordered the pen again. I had to tell them that the vial came in 450iu because they thought it only came in 1200 iu . AND I even had to tell them that the vial was not refrigerated because it was in the form of powder that I would reconstitute myself when I was ready to inject. Ah ha! They finally found it. I asked if there were any way they could discount my prescription since they had messed up on the first one and I should have had 150-300iu more than what I had b/c of their mistake. No. Unfortuntely, I will be honest, and admit that I did cry.. not intentionally, not to receive their sympathy, but because for the second time in a row they were adding stress to an already stressful situation. I did let them know that because of that I would have to take my business elsewhere, because I have more important things to worry about, like my health, than to worry about having to fight tooth and nail for my meds. By the end of the 2nd u/s and now the 2nd dose of meds, we are out of baby money. Actually we are -$8 in the baby fund. Again... an added stress that neither Heath or myself need, but we press on in faith!
Back to TFC on day 14, this time on my own, for 3rd u/s and bloodwork. We find out that the largest follicle is 10mm and my estrogen went up so that's good, but slow growth. Dr. Dodds increased the dosage to 150iu for the next 3 days and back at the end of the week, today actually! Before I get into today... Dr. Dodd's nurse gave me a $200/21 days discount on our Gonal-F. But even better than that, there was a 900iu pen donated that they gave to me. Score! For FREE! That's over $600 of meds. We praised God for His working in the situation. I remember sitting on the table while I was waiting for the nurse and praying that the Lord would just show growth so that we knew we were on the right path. When the nurse said there wasn't much growth I felt disappointed that God didn't answer. Ah, but He did... just in the form of plenty of meds to get us through the cycle. Praise Him for his mysterious ways.
And His ways are mysterious to us... especially in light of today. After 3 more days of Meds, we headed back to TFC, Day 17, for 4th u/s & bloodwork. U/S showed largest follicle was 11mm and my estrogen level had dropped. That was not enough growth to feel encouraged. And the dropping of the estrogen level was opposite of what it should have been. We left there feeling very very discouraged. They didn't really give us a plan, because they wanted to wait until they had gotten the bloodwork and Dr. Dodds had a chance to go over things. Got a call from the nurse, probably my favorite one, Julie, who said Dr. Dodds wanted to stop the cycle and take a break and that we should hear from him later. He did call.
Dr. Dodds doesn't like that my ovaries were not stimulated as they should have been. Next step is to stop the cycle and take a break. When we are ready, I will have some bloodwork to determine how my FSH levels look and that will tell us how healthy my ovaries are. Then from there, we will try a different med called Menopur which will hopefully get those ovaries going. We shall see. It will likely be a couple of weeks before all of this starts since we will have to induce a period.
So there you are... while it may take next to nothing to make a couple struggling through infertility cry, we feel like we've been through the ringer. We are crying. And Praise God, sometimes His healing comes through tears. Listen to the song titled "Blessings" to the left... it says perfectly what we can not express today.
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