Tomorrow is day 1 of Clomid. I am an emotional basketcase... I have never experienced the crazy emotional roller coaster that I am facing now. First with the Provera, then my cycle starts, then the fact that tomorrow we start another med. I can't even put into words the emotions that roll through my head. I spent most of yesterday in tears. It was embarrassing... people just had to say, "Lisa, how are you?" and I'd burst into tears. Grrr! For real! I didn't really want to go to church yesterday... not at all. I am thanking God today for my husband. He made it so easy to submit. He didn't tell me what to do, but then he didn't have to, he just had to point out what the right thing to do was... go to church. And so we did... it wasn't easy, it was very emotional, but I needed to hear the sermon and I look back now and I know I am blessed for having done what was right.
Can I just say... I have THE most amazing husband ever. He may have been frustrated, probably was... he may have felt like his hands were tied, probably were... but he stood by me with his quiet way of reassuring me that I am not a freak. The way that only he can do. With his hand resting on my shoulder, rubbing gently, he loved me through the entire day. Goodness, gracious, he deserves a gold medal!
We press on. We don't know what the next few months hold. We are unsure if our dream is close or still a ways off, but we press on, knowing that HE knows exactly where we are and where we will be. HE knows what tomorrow holds and HE holds us. Check out the video that is my theme song right now... Press On by Selah!
Father, right now, when I don't have the words. When tears stream down my face for reasons that I can't express, You Know! Please help me to continue to feel your love. Let me continue to press on, when I really just want to give in. Help me to never forget that you don't give us more than we can handle. Thank you, thank you, for the loving husband you gave me. He is an amazing godly man and I am so privileged! We love you and we are ready and willing for whatever you have planned for us in the future!
Lisa, I know how scary this is. It's okay to be emotional, especially at church! I can't think of a better place to let that emotion out. I am glad that you were there yesterday. You WILL get through this. There may be more tears to shed and more disappointment to face along the way, but all of this will pay off.
ReplyDeleteI got my Stepping Stones newsletter in the mail over the weekend. That's the infertility ministry through Bethany Christian Services that is also affiliated with Dr. Dodds' office. There was a little blurb at the end with some words from Dr. Dodds, and one thing he said is that close to 90% of couples that struggle with becoming pregnant will reach pregnancy successfully once they begin treatment. But we know that even if that statistic were much lower, we still have a very awesome, very BIG God that can make this happen no matter what. Rest in His peace, Lisa. It's overwhelming!
Love and prayers!
Kara
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI am praying that this is the cycle for you two! I hope all goes well the rest of the month. Please know that I think about and pray for you quite often!
Beth