Every year at the beginning of the year, I can't help but think that this will be our year. This will be the year our little miracle comes to be. This will be the year that the fertility meds stop and the miracle of pregnancy begins. And every year, that's not exactly how it's happened. Really, that's not how it's happened at all.
Every December 31st since I've been married, in my mind I've made the New Year's Resolution to have a baby. As if, I've been holding back all these years and now is finally the time. For goodness sakes! I hate New Year's Resolutions anyhow... I think we should all resolve to do all those things all the time... not just once a year for about a week or so. Know what I mean?
Anyway! This year I'd like to think is going to be our year, but I don't know that to be true. What I do know for certain is that we will be changed, we will work hard, we will keep pressing on, we will perservere. I say this on the verge of an emotional, hormonal breakdown as I wait for the first round of meds to bring about my cycle. Ya know that most dreaded thing among women... also known as, Aunt Flo, a period, that time of the month, your cycle, Day 1.. whatever you call it, while it is quite unpleasant, it is a necessity to bring about a pregnancy and so for me, it is most welcome.
I am terrified for what is coming in the next couple of weeks. It's all new territory, this IVF stuff. The meds are sitting in the fridge and on the shelf flanked on one side by syringes and needles of various sizes, and on the other side by alcohol swabs and gauze pads. On the counter lays the red folder that will be my instruction manual for the coming weeks. I have read through all the literature, we've signed all the paperwork and chosen our embryo guardian. The injection videos have been reviewed and the jitters set in place. So this terrifying feeling does not come from a sense of not being prepared, but instead from knowing what we are about to do and what I am about to subject my body, mind, and soul to. But alas, the first 7 days of meds are taken, we are off and running, and there is no turning back.
If you've been following along, you know that we were waiting to find out if we were approved for the Compassionate Care Program. Wonder of all wonders, or perhaps it was our Good Lord, the insurance company did indeed deny us coverage, so we were able to get over $1800 of meds for free. We are praying that this will be enough and we will not have to purchase more, but not sure if that will be the case or not. I think the unknowing-ness of the process is what makes things so difficult. It's kind of all a wait and see game, which is beyond my understanding as the "planner" in me wants to know what to do, when, and how.
I probably won't update much as we go along, but I'm so thankful that you are praying with us about this next step of the journey. I believe once things get rolling, they will go rather quickly since I will be busy with u/s and bloodwork so often... or then again, it may drag on since we will be so anxious to get through it and to the results. Please pray that we will feel God's peace and strength through this cycle and beyond.
Many blessings to you Dear Friends Until next time!
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