Wow! Chapter 2 of this book really hit home. I think that means that I'm on the right track and that there is a reason, I chose this book of the many I could have chosen. I believe God knew exactly what I needed to read.
Dillow starts out by giving this elaborate exciting information about her life in Hong Kong. She lists all the exciting things and things she loved about it. The next paragraph is the flip side...all the reasons why she didn't love Hong Kong. It's very easy to see how the Prescription for Contentment that I mentioned in my last post play into her Hong Kong experience. Each day she had a choice to think positively about her life there or to think negatively.
I suppose that is true in our lives as well. Not just with where we live, but with how we live and what our circumstances are. For us, the biggest circumstance that we are facing is our struggle with infertility. It's not something we chose or would ever wish to choose, but it is ours. I want to be positive, but let's face it, there doesn't seem to be many positive things to say about suffering through the many doctors appts, tests, negative tests, etc.
It takes practice. Contentment.. positive versus negative thinking is not something that's going to happen overnight. There are four things that Dillow suggests we can do to practice contentment.
1) Choose to give our anxieties to God. To me, that means all my fears about the future and what it may or may not hold I need to consciously choose to give them to Him.
2) Choose to pray specifically. I used to think that since God knows all things, I could just speak to him generally about my desires. Bottom line though, is that He wants us to speak to him specifically. He is our father and there's nothing He wants more than to have us share our deepest desires with him.
3) Choose to be thankful. Regardless of what I have or don't have... I have so much to be thankful for. He has given me life. Yes, I may have struggles, but take heart, he has overcome them! (John 16:33)
4) Choose to dwell on the positive. Enough said... ALWAYS be positive, NEVER allow yourself to complain about ANYTHING! I'm gonna need God's strength for that one!
You may think of this as a pretty boring post. There are no nitty gritty details about our next test, ultrasound, meds update, etc. What you read instead is something that I am be challenged with. God has allowed us to join the ranks of the infertile. It would be very, very easy to look at it as a curse, and I will admit there are days that I do. In this moment, though, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for God allowing us to bear the burden, because through the struggle, I am growing more and more in love with my Savior. Through the struggle I am learning more and more about what it means to be a Christian inside and out. And through the struggle, I am falling more and more in love with my Husband... the one I laugh with, live for, love!
Praise God, Praise God, Praise God... for His perfect plan for our lives!
9.15.2010
9.13.2010
Contentment 101
A while back my Facebook (yes, I'm one of those) status read " I've decided God is trying to teach me contentment. I don't want a baby... what I want, what I need is contentment. Because if I'm not content with Him now, even when He blesses us with a child, I will be discontent in something else. I'm praying that I learn to be content, no matter where I am or what I'm doing."
Well, the time has come. I found a deal at Parable on a book for next to nothing about Contentment. It's called "A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment. Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I've never read or heard of her before, but I've started reading this book and I think what she has to say is quite relevant to any woman's life. I have decided that it would be good for me to post what I'm learning in hopes of helping someone else find contentment as well. Although, I don't think it's something that is simply hiding away and we have to find it... I think contentment is something we learn.
Chapter 1- My Journey to Contentment
I've learned that contentment is something that is hard to learn. It is a daily conscious effort to think positively rather than negatively. Before beginning this book, I always thought of myself as a pretty positive person. After thinking through some of the examples that Dillow gives, though, I would say I'm not as positive as I should be. In fact, there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thinking negatively about something. Right now, for instance, I am thinking "I wish Jessi would be content (ha, ha, I'm wishing contentment even for her) for just a little bit longer so I could finish this post." That could be seen as negative... instead should be thankful that she has done as well as she has today and enjoying every second I have to spend with her.
Dillow suggests a prescription for contentment compiled into 5 little steps. Obviously many more could be added, but I think that this covers the general idea for all those specifics.
1) Never allow yourself to complain about anything... not even the weather.
2) Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
3) Never compare your lot with another's.
4) Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
5) Never dwell on tomorrow... remember that (tomorrow) is God's not ours.
I guess that pretty well wraps it up, huh? I've adapted my own personal prescription for contentment based on what I struggle with daily..
1) Never allow myself to complain about anything... not even being so busy sometimes I can barely breathe.
2) Never picture myself as a fertile woman instead of an infertile woman. Or picture my life if I were still living closer to my family instead of miles away where I sometimes feel forgotten.
3) Never look at all those pregnant bellies and think for one minute about how they do or do not deserve the miracle they are experiencing.
4)Never wish that we had been able to get pregnant right away. God has a plan for His timing and it is perfect... what's best for us.
5)Never worry about what will or will not happen in the future. The future is in God's hands and He has an awesome plan for us. Family or not!
My goal over the next few weeks as I read through this book is to claim all of these as my own. To not just post them for the world to see, but to actually start living by them. I know that only then, when I take my mind off the negative and onto the positive will I be content.
Well, the time has come. I found a deal at Parable on a book for next to nothing about Contentment. It's called "A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment. Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I've never read or heard of her before, but I've started reading this book and I think what she has to say is quite relevant to any woman's life. I have decided that it would be good for me to post what I'm learning in hopes of helping someone else find contentment as well. Although, I don't think it's something that is simply hiding away and we have to find it... I think contentment is something we learn.
Chapter 1- My Journey to Contentment
I've learned that contentment is something that is hard to learn. It is a daily conscious effort to think positively rather than negatively. Before beginning this book, I always thought of myself as a pretty positive person. After thinking through some of the examples that Dillow gives, though, I would say I'm not as positive as I should be. In fact, there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thinking negatively about something. Right now, for instance, I am thinking "I wish Jessi would be content (ha, ha, I'm wishing contentment even for her) for just a little bit longer so I could finish this post." That could be seen as negative... instead should be thankful that she has done as well as she has today and enjoying every second I have to spend with her.
Dillow suggests a prescription for contentment compiled into 5 little steps. Obviously many more could be added, but I think that this covers the general idea for all those specifics.
1) Never allow yourself to complain about anything... not even the weather.
2) Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
3) Never compare your lot with another's.
4) Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
5) Never dwell on tomorrow... remember that (tomorrow) is God's not ours.
I guess that pretty well wraps it up, huh? I've adapted my own personal prescription for contentment based on what I struggle with daily..
1) Never allow myself to complain about anything... not even being so busy sometimes I can barely breathe.
2) Never picture myself as a fertile woman instead of an infertile woman. Or picture my life if I were still living closer to my family instead of miles away where I sometimes feel forgotten.
3) Never look at all those pregnant bellies and think for one minute about how they do or do not deserve the miracle they are experiencing.
4)Never wish that we had been able to get pregnant right away. God has a plan for His timing and it is perfect... what's best for us.
5)Never worry about what will or will not happen in the future. The future is in God's hands and He has an awesome plan for us. Family or not!
My goal over the next few weeks as I read through this book is to claim all of these as my own. To not just post them for the world to see, but to actually start living by them. I know that only then, when I take my mind off the negative and onto the positive will I be content.
9.11.2010
Moving Forward
In February I had laproscopic surgery done after which Dr. Pete diagnosed both PCOS and Stage 2 Endometriosis. Now, 7 months later I finally feel like we might be moving forward. Yes, it took 7 months. It seems like longer to us, though. Since February we have been counting cycle days, tracking ovulation (which as of yet has not occurred), reading Negative Pregnancy test, and all in all finding ourselves wrapped up in the middle of fertily treatments month after month. Basically those treatments have involved me taking meds just to get my cycle going, so that I can take the Clomid that should get me ovulating. Unfortunately, PCOS and Endo cause the irregularity in my cycles, hence the use of meds to get me going. The hope was that my body would jump in after a couple of cycles on it's own. 7 months later and that has still not happened. It's more than a little bit frustrating, but at the same time I realize that God's timing is still perfect and all of this is part of his plan... the big picture that only He can see.
Thursday was our 3 month check up with Dr. Pete. The one where we go in to let him know how things have gone. This time, Heath didn't go with me. Mostly, I thought it was pointless for him to go with me for a 15 minute appt where Dr. Pete asks how things went, I tell him about the hot flashes, the little bit of pain, the Negative ovulation tests, the negative pregnancy test, and the lack of my cycle starting on its own. I went to the office planning on asking about what we could do to at least make me feel like we were moving forward. Having friends who have been through these stages of infertility, I knew that we needed to pin down whether the Clomid was doing anything. I had questions about where my hormone levels were and what we could do to get things moving. I think more than anything, I am really feeling like we've just been wasting the last 7 months. Before you get too excited, I also realize that our time as just the two of us is never, NEVER a waste. A year ago, I just thought we would be well on our way to having a family by now; however, God has a different plan and I'm ok with that.
Thankfully, Dr. Pete is an amazing doctor and could sense, I think, my frustration at another three months of meds that we don't know are working. Instead we are only doing 1 month of Clomid, this time around. 100 mg on days 3-7 of my cycle and then around day 16 or so, I will go in for an ultrasound that will determine if the Clomid is persuading any eggs to mature. We know that my body is not releasing them, but this will tell us whether it is producing mature eggs. If so, then I will take an HCG shot which will force my body to release the mature egg(s) and increase our chances of getting pregnant. If not, I don't know whether our next step is an increase in Clomid or what... I guess that's something we will decide when we get to it.
I feel hopeful... I don't know if it's hope that we will get pregnant this month, or just hope that comes from knowing that we are moving forward and thus one step closer to holding our baby. At any rate, after months of feeling like we were going nowhere, it feels good to know that we are going somewhere good soon. We are finally MOVING FORWARD!
Thursday was our 3 month check up with Dr. Pete. The one where we go in to let him know how things have gone. This time, Heath didn't go with me. Mostly, I thought it was pointless for him to go with me for a 15 minute appt where Dr. Pete asks how things went, I tell him about the hot flashes, the little bit of pain, the Negative ovulation tests, the negative pregnancy test, and the lack of my cycle starting on its own. I went to the office planning on asking about what we could do to at least make me feel like we were moving forward. Having friends who have been through these stages of infertility, I knew that we needed to pin down whether the Clomid was doing anything. I had questions about where my hormone levels were and what we could do to get things moving. I think more than anything, I am really feeling like we've just been wasting the last 7 months. Before you get too excited, I also realize that our time as just the two of us is never, NEVER a waste. A year ago, I just thought we would be well on our way to having a family by now; however, God has a different plan and I'm ok with that.
Thankfully, Dr. Pete is an amazing doctor and could sense, I think, my frustration at another three months of meds that we don't know are working. Instead we are only doing 1 month of Clomid, this time around. 100 mg on days 3-7 of my cycle and then around day 16 or so, I will go in for an ultrasound that will determine if the Clomid is persuading any eggs to mature. We know that my body is not releasing them, but this will tell us whether it is producing mature eggs. If so, then I will take an HCG shot which will force my body to release the mature egg(s) and increase our chances of getting pregnant. If not, I don't know whether our next step is an increase in Clomid or what... I guess that's something we will decide when we get to it.
I feel hopeful... I don't know if it's hope that we will get pregnant this month, or just hope that comes from knowing that we are moving forward and thus one step closer to holding our baby. At any rate, after months of feeling like we were going nowhere, it feels good to know that we are going somewhere good soon. We are finally MOVING FORWARD!
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