Daffodils and Hyacinths

Yesterday, as I was wandering through Meijer in a fog, I came across some beautiful pink hyacinths and yellow and orange daffodils. The hyacinths were blooming all big and bright and beautiful. Knowing that I needed some cheering up, I purchased the hyacinths. I debated whether to purchase the daffodils. They were buddded, but not yet blooming and I wasn't sure I should spend the money for both of them. I knew exactly where in my landscape I would place them and since I had been saying I wanted daffodils and they promised to bloom beautiful, I decided on both of them.

I shed a lot of tears yesterday. I thought I was through, then Heath came home and hugged me and loved me and I cried some more. This morning I got up after a somewhat restless night of sleep, and gave myself a speech while I was in the shower. "Enough of this. Move on with Hope. Try again. It's not the end of the world. It's a bright (well rainy) new day!" Thank you God, for the little reminder... as I walked out into the dining room, there on the table, where I had left the budding daffodils was a fully bloomed yellow and orange daffodil. Just a little note from God that says "I love you, I'm holding you, I have big plans, keep pressing on, IT'S A NEW DAY!"

Next week we will start our second round of fertility treatments. Unless my cycle starts on its own, between now and then, I will start the Provera to get things going again. On day 3-7 I will take 50mg of Clomid and then start ovulation test kits on day 9 or so to see if we can pinpoint ovulation. Right now, my body is telling me, that the 50mg this month did not trigger ovulation as anticipated. We are hoping that this next round will get just enough into me to trigger ovulation. If not, though, we will recover for another week and then on to round 3 at 50mg. If still nothing, we will go to Dr. Pete in June with my calendar of information and he will up the dosage of Clomid to 100mg and we will start all over again for another 3 months.

I think the thing that is frustrating me the most is the thought that we may have to do this for 6-9 months. Obviously, God knows... in fact, I can hear Him coaching me. "Breathe, my child. Wait on me, Daughter. Don't you know I have it all planned out and it will be more than you could ever have hoped for, more than you could ever dream. I know what's best and when the perfect time is... you just wait on me. I love you... this waiting is making you stronger and more dependent on me. Keep pressing on in faith, my daugter!" And so we shall, but that's not to say it won't be without tears or without hurt...

Your prayers and comments, my friends are heard! Please keep praying for Heath and I. This blog is something that I write, but Heath is feeling the hurt too. He is sad, but he is full of compassion and hope. He will make such a good daddy! He is going to be so amazing, truly amazing! He has waited so long for this, that somedays I want it more for him than for me. All in due time!

I must close this post. It is time for me to go gaze on His beauty. Time for me to focus on what lies ahead and not get bogged down by the hurts of the moment. He is good, all the time. Thank you Father, for your ever constand reminders and thank you for this brand New Day!