Testing our Faith

My Bible reading today was in Job. At first, I was a little scared. I won't deny that I wondered if God was pointing me to Job for a reason. Of course he was, but it probably isn't for the first reason I thought of. It probably isn't to say, this is where I'm going to lead you... I'm going to take everything precious away, I'm going to strip your every dream, I'm going to make your life miserable. Instead, I think I was there for the purpose of opening my eyes to realize that no matter what the results are tomorrow, it is not the end. It is not the worse thing that could happen. And no matter what the doctor's say, He is still alive and working in our lives.

As I was driving home from work today, I got to thinking about what we've been going through lately. The stress of having a parent have a stroke and be temporarily paralyzed, the unknown in our baby journey, the uncertainty of where my job will be next year. Those are all just trials that the Lord is allowing in our lives, I think, for the soul purpose of testing us. The Bible says "Count it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith develops perseverance..." So, I count it joy. I must admit that a few years ago, if I was facing then, what I am facing now, I may not have counted it all joy. Experience of life and an intimate relationship with God has taught me to put my faith solely in Him. It has taught me, that His desires are the real desires of my heart and that I will find them only in Him. I have learned that one day with Him is better than a thousand with anyone else.

Tomorrow is the day. I will arrive at the hospital at 11:15, they will tell me about everything that's going to happen and ask me if I have any questions. I'll say no. I really don't know what to ask. Then I will slowly fade off into a deep sleep, while they manipulate my body to determine what the problem is. They will poke and prod and film my insides. And then after all that is said and done, they will let me slowly relax and come back around while they talk to Heath and our parents and our pastor about what they found. I am praying for peace, but I am unsure and very worried about what they will find. It's not so much that I'm scared of what they will say, but I'm scared of how it will change me. Will I become that childless woman that everyone looks at with stares of pity? Will Heath and I have decisions that we've never dreamed of having to make? Will things fall right into place for our someday family, or is this just the beginning of a long and heartbraking journey? I don't mean to sound downtrodden, but I have to be honest with myself about what I am feeling. Don't be mistaken... my faith is stronger than ever. I know that whatever the outcome, God knows what is best. But am I ready to accept that outcome?

There is a song that I have been listening to a lot lately. Not by choice exactly, though I do love it... it's more by God, I guess you could say. It seems like everytime I get in the car, it's on. I've posted the video link to the left. Check it out! I know this song is for me. My faith can move mountains, God has granted me a hope that never ends, and as I face the clouds, I know the promise that my dreams and God's desires for my life will produce that silver lining is going to be fulfilled because impossible is not a word in my God's vocabulary! Be encouraged by the song as I am!