Day 2 of placing one foot in front of the other and pressing on towards our goal. Surgery is over and for now we have some immediate answers, some decisions to face soon, but overall, a lot of Hope in achieving our someday family.
The surgery only lasted about 45 minutes, Heath says. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who were there with him, stopped in to see me, and prayed with us before the surgery. Mom Smith, Stacy, Mom, Pastor Kevin, Tyler, Holly, and tiny Jessi! There prsence during a scary, unknown time was so appreciated and encouraging!
It's odd that the surgery only lasted that long, because I think the anesthesia is still hanging on a bit. I don't know if I'm typing too fast or if I just am having a hard time spelling. Either way, It's coming out! :-)
Dr. Pete found that my Left tube was not blocked. The uterus and both tubes allowed the dye to go through this time and for that we are very thankful. He diagnosed me with not only PCOS (which I already knew) but now also Stage 2 endometriosis. Endo is basically when the lining of my uterus sheds during my cycle, some of it backs up into the tubes and deposits itself on organs in my abdomen. I did not talk to Dr.Pete, but from what I understand, he only found some few small lesions on my ovaries, but none in the rest of the abdominal cavity, bladder, liver, or other organs. That is a good thing. It is an incurable disease and can make getting pregnant tougher, but we feel very hopeful about achieving that someday. He was able to laser some of the lesions off the ovaries, but that holds some risk for decreasing pregnancy since it can create scar tissue on the ovary, which then would prevent mature eggs from forming and releasing.
There are basically two ways, Dr. Pete, said we can treat endometriosis. With hormone therapy.. that will stop menstruation so the lining doesn't deposit elsewhere. OR, the one we will choose, PREGNANCY! In a couple of weeks, we will have a post-op appt with Dr. Pete and we are praying we will find out our options for proceeding in our journey to have a family. Dr. Pete says the only risk in getting pregnant with endometriosis is that there are increased chances of multiple births (twins, triplets, etc) because of the fertility meds that we will use. I must admit that my heart smiled when I heard that. I've always wanted twins... triplets and quads, not so much, but then the Lord is in control of that. We may only end up with one, who knows... God does! Anyway, when I heard that I was excited because not only would I be getting my baby someday, but I might be getting my BABIES one day!
God, I am overwhelmed by the peace you provided as I went into surgery yesterday. I know that that was something that could only come from you. A peace that passes all understanding, that allowed me to rest easily in your arms, knowing that it was your hand guiding Dr. Pete's yesterday. I know that the love and support that surrounded me in the form of family around me, but more importantly, in their faith and their prayers for me, played a big part in my calmness as I left Heath sitting there and headed to the OR. You are good, you are God, you are amazing, and we love you! Thank you for the little rays of hope that you bring to this sitatuation. For the way that you have provided thus far, and will continue to provide, finances for our journey. And for the way that you always point me to what I need to remember about your promises. Years ago, I wouldn't be handling this the same way, so I'm thankful for the way that you have worked in my life and drawn me closer to you. There is no place I'd rather be! I love you and I praise you for the Hope you have given!
2.10.2010
2.08.2010
Testing our Faith
My Bible reading today was in Job. At first, I was a little scared. I won't deny that I wondered if God was pointing me to Job for a reason. Of course he was, but it probably isn't for the first reason I thought of. It probably isn't to say, this is where I'm going to lead you... I'm going to take everything precious away, I'm going to strip your every dream, I'm going to make your life miserable. Instead, I think I was there for the purpose of opening my eyes to realize that no matter what the results are tomorrow, it is not the end. It is not the worse thing that could happen. And no matter what the doctor's say, He is still alive and working in our lives.
As I was driving home from work today, I got to thinking about what we've been going through lately. The stress of having a parent have a stroke and be temporarily paralyzed, the unknown in our baby journey, the uncertainty of where my job will be next year. Those are all just trials that the Lord is allowing in our lives, I think, for the soul purpose of testing us. The Bible says "Count it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith develops perseverance..." So, I count it joy. I must admit that a few years ago, if I was facing then, what I am facing now, I may not have counted it all joy. Experience of life and an intimate relationship with God has taught me to put my faith solely in Him. It has taught me, that His desires are the real desires of my heart and that I will find them only in Him. I have learned that one day with Him is better than a thousand with anyone else.
Tomorrow is the day. I will arrive at the hospital at 11:15, they will tell me about everything that's going to happen and ask me if I have any questions. I'll say no. I really don't know what to ask. Then I will slowly fade off into a deep sleep, while they manipulate my body to determine what the problem is. They will poke and prod and film my insides. And then after all that is said and done, they will let me slowly relax and come back around while they talk to Heath and our parents and our pastor about what they found. I am praying for peace, but I am unsure and very worried about what they will find. It's not so much that I'm scared of what they will say, but I'm scared of how it will change me. Will I become that childless woman that everyone looks at with stares of pity? Will Heath and I have decisions that we've never dreamed of having to make? Will things fall right into place for our someday family, or is this just the beginning of a long and heartbraking journey? I don't mean to sound downtrodden, but I have to be honest with myself about what I am feeling. Don't be mistaken... my faith is stronger than ever. I know that whatever the outcome, God knows what is best. But am I ready to accept that outcome?
There is a song that I have been listening to a lot lately. Not by choice exactly, though I do love it... it's more by God, I guess you could say. It seems like everytime I get in the car, it's on. I've posted the video link to the left. Check it out! I know this song is for me. My faith can move mountains, God has granted me a hope that never ends, and as I face the clouds, I know the promise that my dreams and God's desires for my life will produce that silver lining is going to be fulfilled because impossible is not a word in my God's vocabulary! Be encouraged by the song as I am!
As I was driving home from work today, I got to thinking about what we've been going through lately. The stress of having a parent have a stroke and be temporarily paralyzed, the unknown in our baby journey, the uncertainty of where my job will be next year. Those are all just trials that the Lord is allowing in our lives, I think, for the soul purpose of testing us. The Bible says "Count it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith develops perseverance..." So, I count it joy. I must admit that a few years ago, if I was facing then, what I am facing now, I may not have counted it all joy. Experience of life and an intimate relationship with God has taught me to put my faith solely in Him. It has taught me, that His desires are the real desires of my heart and that I will find them only in Him. I have learned that one day with Him is better than a thousand with anyone else.
Tomorrow is the day. I will arrive at the hospital at 11:15, they will tell me about everything that's going to happen and ask me if I have any questions. I'll say no. I really don't know what to ask. Then I will slowly fade off into a deep sleep, while they manipulate my body to determine what the problem is. They will poke and prod and film my insides. And then after all that is said and done, they will let me slowly relax and come back around while they talk to Heath and our parents and our pastor about what they found. I am praying for peace, but I am unsure and very worried about what they will find. It's not so much that I'm scared of what they will say, but I'm scared of how it will change me. Will I become that childless woman that everyone looks at with stares of pity? Will Heath and I have decisions that we've never dreamed of having to make? Will things fall right into place for our someday family, or is this just the beginning of a long and heartbraking journey? I don't mean to sound downtrodden, but I have to be honest with myself about what I am feeling. Don't be mistaken... my faith is stronger than ever. I know that whatever the outcome, God knows what is best. But am I ready to accept that outcome?
There is a song that I have been listening to a lot lately. Not by choice exactly, though I do love it... it's more by God, I guess you could say. It seems like everytime I get in the car, it's on. I've posted the video link to the left. Check it out! I know this song is for me. My faith can move mountains, God has granted me a hope that never ends, and as I face the clouds, I know the promise that my dreams and God's desires for my life will produce that silver lining is going to be fulfilled because impossible is not a word in my God's vocabulary! Be encouraged by the song as I am!
2.03.2010
Turning Point
In less than a week, I will be in surgery. They will put me under and explore my reproductive system. Before I am even awake, they will give Heath the results and we will be at the turning point. The point where they will say, Yes or No, to our desire to have children. The results will tell us what we are dealing with and what our chances of becoming pregnant naturally truly are. Up until now, I've not really entertained the idea that the results would be anything but positive. But as we get closer, I realize that they very well could be. I could go crazy considering all of the possibilities, all of the options that Dr. Pete has thrown out there to us. It could be a uterine tumor, tubal blockage, fibroids, polyps, tubal damage.. just a few of the things that are spinning around in my head. Positive or Negative, we are looking forward to having some answers and some direction of where we go from here.
We are praying for peace in the waiting for the next few days. We are praying for rest so that the surgery can happen with no problems. We are praying for guidance for Dr. Pete and the nurses and for some conclusive, easily fixable results. We are also praying for our hearts, that they will be prepared to accept whatever the results are and that we will be able to place our faith completely in His hands. Please pray with us that God will be glorified through us and that the world will see How Great he truly is!
We are praying for peace in the waiting for the next few days. We are praying for rest so that the surgery can happen with no problems. We are praying for guidance for Dr. Pete and the nurses and for some conclusive, easily fixable results. We are also praying for our hearts, that they will be prepared to accept whatever the results are and that we will be able to place our faith completely in His hands. Please pray with us that God will be glorified through us and that the world will see How Great he truly is!
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