It’s 5 am again. Another night of very little sleep. It’s not that I haven’t been in bed long enough, it’s more that my brain won’t stop. The “wanna-be” author in me has learned that when the words come, you stop whatever you are doing …in this case, it was trying to sleep… to get the words down on paper. So here I sit, typing in the dark living room, while Heath tries to sleep upstairs.
I’m thinking about Dad Smith. Considering what a struggle it is for him after his recent stroke to accomplish things that others do every day. I’m wondering if we ever even put thought into lifting our arms, our legs, forming our words, chewing our food, swallowing. Do we ever think about how blessed we are to be able to do these things that seem so little and insignificant? I must be honest, I’m not sure I have in the past. But as I watch dad strain at the weight of even just opening and closing his fist, I am reminded of what an awesome thing it is to be able to do those things without first mentally focusing on it and then pushing ourselves to make it happen.
It brings tears to my eyes to watch him. I usually keep them in until I’m at least home. He doesn’t need to see them. Mostly I keep them in even until now, when I’m the only one in the room, Heath needs that. I have realized, though, that as my body is fighting exhaustion, tears get closer to the surface. That’s ok…. they are cleansing, right? It is tough, heartbreaking, thought-provoking, to see a 59 year old walking, talking, feisty man reduced (in minutes), in a way, to a child, or so it seems. I imagine it is quite humbling and frustrating at the same time to have to be told to chew your food, drink your water, move your foot, wait for the nurse, repeat your sentences, show me you can swallow, try to go to the bathroom, tell me your name, what’s the date, where are you, focus, EVERY DAY!
The stroke damaged only a tiny area in his brain and for that we are thankful. It’s amazing! I don’t think I ever thought about how intricate the brain was, until they told us that this one tiniest little blood vessel in the right back side of his brain did the damage and caused him to lose most of his movement in the right side of his body. Now, is the road to recovery. He’s doing remarkable. He’s regaining his strength and movement and all of the therapist say he’ll snap back quickly. So where do we go from here? Monday he will be evaluated by a Speech Therapist to determine the course of therapy. He is quite understandable, but his words are slurred and sometimes he has to repeat what he says. It has trained us to really listen, which is a lesson we probably all need. I’m not sure we always really listen to what others are saying, whether it’s directly to us or not. On Monday he will also be evaluated by Mary Free-Bed which is where he will likely be for Rehab until he can walk again. Yesterday he took 3 full steps, which is incredible for someone who has just had a stroke, but it was also incredibly tiring for him. He wanted to walk to the door, but they wouldn’t let him. His stubbornness and feisty spirit is working for him in this trial. If they say go 3 steps, he wants to go 10, if they say do 10 exercises, he wants to do 15. He is a fighter and we are hopeful that he will gain most, if not all of his movement back. Positively, they have ruled seizures out as was diagnosed the 2nd time to Spectrum. That’s good because he can have his license back and does not have to be chauffeured around for the next 6 months. That would have been hard on both him and mom, since she dislikes driving. Instead, once he’s walking again, he can go back to being mom’s chauffeur.
I think I’ve come to the end of my words. Or maybe I’m finally about to fall asleep. Regardless, I should close by asking for your prayers. Please pray for Dad. Pray that his frustrations are kept to a minimum, that he continues to progress, that he continues to fight, and that he doesn’t give the nurses too hard of a time, or us, by the way! Pray for Mom. She is getting rest and we have all been there most of the time and someone is staying with her each night, so she is able to get out of the room, but she needs strength and stamina for the road ahead. She is amazing with Dad as she helps him do his exercises. She doesn’t leave his side. Pray for us kids and grandkids. It is tough on the boys, especially, to see Dad this way. It doesn’t take much for us all to be in tears. Dad loves visits, but whenever a new visitor comes in, he cries. They say it’s from the stroke, and it may very well be, but I know Dad. He has a tender heart and those tears are an overflow of the emotions that have always been there. He is overwhelmed by the number of people who love him and us and are there to support us, as we are. Even the doctors/nurses comment on what a “party” we always seem to be having there. Smith’s take care of their own in an awesome way! Please pray for the doctors, nurses, therapists, and specialists that will ensure his on-going care. Lastly, pray for all the little details of his hospital stay and recovery... the finances, the traveling back and forth, the waiting, the therapy sessions, and so many more that I can’t think of right now.
Amazing how much radio we’ve listened to in the past week. Each time we’ve turned on the radio there has been a song about our faith being tried, going through troubled times, someone praying us through, God’s faithfulness, Him being with us always, meaning ALWAYS. That was no mistake. I’m reminded of the song “Let the Waters Rise” by MikesChair. It talks about your world caving in, not knowing where to begin, not knowing what words to say, but knowing that He’s right there with you. The Chorus says, let the waters rise, if you want them to, I will follow you, God, I will follow you. So, here we are, the waters are rising… pray that we will hang tight and follow him!
1.31.2010
1.20.2010
How Great is Our God!
Tears seem to be very close to the surface these days. They come very unexpectedly and then within minutes, I've talked myself out of them by reminding myself of the truth of God's word and His daily promises to us. So much has happened in this year already and we are only a few weeks into it. It's proving to be quite the ride and it can only get more exciting from here on out.
I am scheduled for laproscopic (looking at the outside of my tubes and uterus), hysteroscopic (looking at the inside of everything), and another dye test on February 9th. When we set the appt up, it seemed so far off, but it is coming up very quickly. We feel hopeful and a bit scared about what the results may be. It is by no accident, though, that I continue to read in my Bible about worrying, His promises, His faithfulness and goodness, etc. He knows that that is exactly what we need to hear and be reminded of right now. The surgery itself should only take a short time, but we may be at the hospital all day long. The recovery time is a week, so I will be off work, but we will know right away what the results are and that is encouraging. Praying that all goes well and knowing even now, that all will be just as it is planned. Thank you, Lord, for that peace.
Our new niece was born this week. We still have not seen her since Heath hurt his back at work and we weren't able to make the trip to the hospital. She is home today and we will see her sometime in the next couple of days. The emotions, again, right at the surface as I contemplate being able to hold this 5 lb, 3 oz beautiful baby girl. We LOVE loving on everyone else's babies, but it leaves us feeling overwhelmed with desire and leaves the pain of empty arms very real and very present. When will it be our turn? How long, Lord, will we wait? I can hear the response "I have a plan, my child, just you wait and see!"
I went to the doctor today about a small lump on the back of my neck. Doctor says she doesn't think it's anything more than a fatty tumor (nice!), but since it is very close to the spine, she would like to have it removed and have a biopsy done on it. She said it doesn't have to be done right away, so we have decided to wait until after surgery on the 9th and go from there. It seems like when it rains it pours, huh?
Work has been crazy lately. We are finishing up 1st semester finals this week. I have put in a lot of extra hours and that is adding to the stress of all that I'm dealing with physically and the stress of the unknown. We (our dept) has a meeting with the administrator this week concerning cuts in the department. I was told today that my job will change the most. I don't know what that means or what it will look like, but I will be glad when Friday comes so that I will know more! It may mean that my duties change or it could mean my hours change. Whatever it is, I know that God is working even in this situation.
It's encouraging to know and remember on a daily basis that He is in control and He can see the big picture. As our department has been faithfully working long hours these past couple of weeks anticipating this meeting, we have realized that He can see why this is happening. He knows what administration is going to say and how that will affect each one of us. He knows things we can't know right now.
There are days that I ask myself, why am I dealing with so much all at once. I am reminded of the song "How Great is Our God!" There is a line in the song that says "How Great is Our God, Sing with me, how great is our God and all will see how great, how great is our God!" So, if for no other reason, we are going through all these ups and downs, so that everyone around us can see how great our God truly is! I think of it as I sing up front in church, as I sit in chapel amongst hundreds of students, as I cuddle with my husband and dream about our someday family... He is allowing all of these things so that we can glorify Him through it. People are watching us, and it's good for us to remember that it's not about us. It's not about something we've done, or haven't done, although those things may be brought to our mind through it, it's all about HIM and HIS glory!
So, until we can see the picture, we rely on Him... the author and perfector of our faith, our Prince of Peace, our Everlasting Father, the King of Kings and we stand amazed and humbled that He would choose a couple such as ourselves, to show the world How Great He is! May He be glorified through us!
I am scheduled for laproscopic (looking at the outside of my tubes and uterus), hysteroscopic (looking at the inside of everything), and another dye test on February 9th. When we set the appt up, it seemed so far off, but it is coming up very quickly. We feel hopeful and a bit scared about what the results may be. It is by no accident, though, that I continue to read in my Bible about worrying, His promises, His faithfulness and goodness, etc. He knows that that is exactly what we need to hear and be reminded of right now. The surgery itself should only take a short time, but we may be at the hospital all day long. The recovery time is a week, so I will be off work, but we will know right away what the results are and that is encouraging. Praying that all goes well and knowing even now, that all will be just as it is planned. Thank you, Lord, for that peace.
Our new niece was born this week. We still have not seen her since Heath hurt his back at work and we weren't able to make the trip to the hospital. She is home today and we will see her sometime in the next couple of days. The emotions, again, right at the surface as I contemplate being able to hold this 5 lb, 3 oz beautiful baby girl. We LOVE loving on everyone else's babies, but it leaves us feeling overwhelmed with desire and leaves the pain of empty arms very real and very present. When will it be our turn? How long, Lord, will we wait? I can hear the response "I have a plan, my child, just you wait and see!"
I went to the doctor today about a small lump on the back of my neck. Doctor says she doesn't think it's anything more than a fatty tumor (nice!), but since it is very close to the spine, she would like to have it removed and have a biopsy done on it. She said it doesn't have to be done right away, so we have decided to wait until after surgery on the 9th and go from there. It seems like when it rains it pours, huh?
Work has been crazy lately. We are finishing up 1st semester finals this week. I have put in a lot of extra hours and that is adding to the stress of all that I'm dealing with physically and the stress of the unknown. We (our dept) has a meeting with the administrator this week concerning cuts in the department. I was told today that my job will change the most. I don't know what that means or what it will look like, but I will be glad when Friday comes so that I will know more! It may mean that my duties change or it could mean my hours change. Whatever it is, I know that God is working even in this situation.
It's encouraging to know and remember on a daily basis that He is in control and He can see the big picture. As our department has been faithfully working long hours these past couple of weeks anticipating this meeting, we have realized that He can see why this is happening. He knows what administration is going to say and how that will affect each one of us. He knows things we can't know right now.
There are days that I ask myself, why am I dealing with so much all at once. I am reminded of the song "How Great is Our God!" There is a line in the song that says "How Great is Our God, Sing with me, how great is our God and all will see how great, how great is our God!" So, if for no other reason, we are going through all these ups and downs, so that everyone around us can see how great our God truly is! I think of it as I sing up front in church, as I sit in chapel amongst hundreds of students, as I cuddle with my husband and dream about our someday family... He is allowing all of these things so that we can glorify Him through it. People are watching us, and it's good for us to remember that it's not about us. It's not about something we've done, or haven't done, although those things may be brought to our mind through it, it's all about HIM and HIS glory!
So, until we can see the picture, we rely on Him... the author and perfector of our faith, our Prince of Peace, our Everlasting Father, the King of Kings and we stand amazed and humbled that He would choose a couple such as ourselves, to show the world How Great He is! May He be glorified through us!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)