So many emotions going through my head right now. Yesterday I had an HSG to check for any blockages in my tubes. Right side and uterus looks good... left side not so much. It looks like it's completely blocked since no dye was able to flow through, but it could also be just a spasm. Dr. Pete wants to schedule laproscopic surgery to get a better idea of what the problem is and how it can be fixed. We have follow-up to the HSG appt on Dec 30 and from there will discuss our options and schedule surgery if that's what we decide to do.
The emotions stem from so many things. Happiness that the report wasn't terrible. Sadness and fear because we're unsure what the deal is with the left side. Excitement for my sister who had another round at the fertility center and things look promising. Overwhelming joy for our good friends who were chosen last week for adoption of a baby girl to be born in January, who decided to come early. They had their baby today. Anxiety for what is ahead for us. Jealousy and a bit angry for all those who have no problems getting pregnant even when they don't want to or can't provide for babies.
Lord, what are you trying to teach us and how do we get through this with grace? We know you are still in control and that is hope to us. But there are still days, especially when all those around seem to be being blessed with our hearts desire, where we feel defeated and discouraged and like we're never going to get there. Please God, send us a baby! Please Father give us grace and show us your faithfulness. Hold us as we cry and wrap us in your love. We are so thankful for the blessing of your guidance and provision. We love you!
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