It's funny the things people say to you about babies. I'm not talking about the ones that tell you about how "your time will come" and "the prize is well worth the wait" and all the other cliches that we, as a couple struggling through infertility, come to despise. We smile, nod our heads in agreement, and move on. No, I'm talking about the comments people make when you actually do have a baby in your arms. Granted, it may not be your own like in our case, but still... the things people say are funny.
A couple of days ago I took our neighbor's 3 month old, that I care for regularly, out to Walmart. My plan was to scoot in while she was happy and get a few things and exchange Heath's shirts for the correct size. Heath was with me but had gone to look for a couple of things while I stood in line at the Customer Service counter. Baby decided it was time to eat, so I stood holding her bottle while we waited. A couple, probably older than us, came up behind me. By that time the baby had finished eating and was smiling away at me as I clicked my tongue at her. So precious! I found the couple behind me smiling intently at us. They asked how old she was "3 months" I replied. They commented "You are very lucky to have a little girl, and a smiling one at that." As I've done with my niece when I was out and about with her, I didn't claim her as my own, but didn't tell them she wasn't mine either. I wasn't being weird or anything, just sometimes it's not best to have to go into detail about why you have this child that's not yours... Anyway, all I said to their comment was "Yes, thanks!" But I kinda got caught up in their eyes... they seemed full of pain and desire. Somewhat like I think mine look when I see/think about babies. As I am typing this I feel so badly that I didn't speak up, explain that she was not mine, and then share with them that we also are struggling with empty arms. Share with them some kind of hope. Maybe give them a smile and let them know that they are not alone in their journey. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I do agree. Afterwards as I was relaying the story to Heath, I could think of all kinds of things to say... just in the moment, my brain was blank. I don't know for sure what their situation is, but I know this... I may have missed an opportunity to reach out to a hurting soul. Whether they were aching from the fact that they don'thave children or aching from the loss of a child... I wish I could turn back time and comfort them in some way.
Yesterday I took a trip to the movie store to pick up a couple of our freebies for the month. While I was there, Aurelia (the neighbor's baby), was quietly cooing in her carseat. It's funny cause there were only 3 people in the store besides the workers. Aurelia, myself, and this teddy bear of a black man with a cigar sticking out of his mouth. I secretly love the smell of cigar smoke. While he was not smoking it, the scent clung to his clothes and wafted behind him as he walked. For some odd reason, we continued to run into each other, even as big as the store is. So, I was not surprised at all when he ended up in line behind me. He began to talk to me as I was checking out and commented on Aurelia. "That's some handsome baby you have there" he said. I smiled and said "Thank you!" He said, "Wait, is that your baby?" I didn't hear him at first because I was talking to the cashier, so he repeated "Is that your child?" "No," I responded "It's our neighbor baby that I'm babysitting". "Well you make sure you take her back to her mama, then." It kind of made me chuckle... this complete stranger was reminding me that the baby wasn't mine and I needed to return her. He said it again as I was walking out the door. "You take her back, now, ya hear!" "I will!" I promised.
You see, it doesn't matter who you run into when you have a baby, they always have something to say. And it doesn't matter who you run into when you're trying to have a baby, they always have some piece of advice. The question is, How do you respond? Do you smile, nod your head, and move on? Or do you seize every opportunity to reach out to the hurting soul and be an example of Christ amidst your own hurt?
Some may say that my brutal honesty on this blog is a little offensive. Others may think that it's too personal of a situation to be sharing with the cyber world. They may think it's not Biblical to air my dirty laundry for the whole world to see. But let me assure you that, to me, it is a means for me to seize the opportunity each time I post to reach out to another hurting soul. It's an opportunity for me to share my faith in the midst of this huge roller coaster of infertility and a way for me to challenge others to build their faith! Praise God, for giving me the words to share that may in some way, shape, or form reach another person for Christ!
